I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
