How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
