I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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