She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
