normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
