Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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