Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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