What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
