mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
