who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
