So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
