we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
