um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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