I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
