On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
