i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
