Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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