take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
