Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
