"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
