it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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