I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize