Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
