I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
