my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
