He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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