he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
