Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
