last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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