It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
