Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
