I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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