He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
