woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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