there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
