That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
