"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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