I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
