What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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