It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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