I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
did you just send me my own nude
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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