dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
