I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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