hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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