if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
