I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
