shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
