party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
worst night to have a conscience
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
