Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
