I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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