Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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