Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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