I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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