Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
