There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
