JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So many bounce houses so little time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is Oprah even human
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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