So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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