i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
