we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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