i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
