and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
