Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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