You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
