the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The adults are the big ones right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
