she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
