I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
