Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
